BETTIE GRIND | T.G.F.C. | THE DOCUMENTARY | HSE |

Women In Bad Relationships Who Give Relationship Advice

Lately I have been meeting more and more women who have chosen to spend their life with men who aren't worth a damn. In today's society it seems like women are more concerned with financial comfort than they are true companionship. Shows like Basketball Wives and Mafia Wives are giving young women the idea that all they need to do in order to "succeed" is to marry some sort of rich celebrity/thug and then depend on them for financial support. Those women who are not in the entertainment industry still try to live their lives like this too. They date men based on their income and material possessions and depend on their man despite the fact that their man is cheating, lying, being abusive etc. Or you have your typical situation where women do not love themselves and think any attention from a man is good attention. So they stay in relationships with men that treat them terribly, just so they won't have to be alone. You also have women who have babies by men they know aren't shit, but stay and try to change them into the perfect guy.

Whatever reasons these women have for staying with these men is ultimately their bed to lie in. However, these women are always the first ones trying to give relationship advice! I am not married and I have never been married. I am not a couples counselor or anything of that nature. Everything I speak on is based on my own experience in life. You are free to disagree with anything I type. You may express your ideas as well but please be sure to respond in a graceful manner. Some of you may get offended by what I say but keep the angry commentary to yourselves. If anything in this blog upsets you, maybe you need to think about your own life instead of shooting the messenger :)

In my opinion, the most important factors of a relationship are as follows, and in no particular order: Communication, Trust, Honesty, Respect and Sex. Again, you can disagree as much as you want. My opinion won't change though lol. 

Your mate should be your BEST friend! NONE of your other friends should be comparable. Your mate should be the one you run to first, about everything. You should WANT to tell them any and everything. I've had a few women tell me that privacy should always be maintained in a relationship with someone. I used to feel the same way. That was back in my days of terrible relationships that I had no business being in. I actually took marriage counseling because I thought that's what we needed. We= My ex and I. Turns out, we just weren't compatible to begin with. I kept things about my past from my ex because I knew they'd throw it in my face. I knew they would look at me differently. They chose to keep things from me too. We both convinced each other that we liked it that way. Anything to avoid the possibility of not being meant to be. Instead of being honest about my life I decided to give them bits and pieces so I could create an image of the woman I thought they wanted me to be. Denial..............a lot of you are in that stage of your life. You can try to convince yourself that your relationship is healthy all you want but when you try to convince others of that, that's where I get upset. Just because your man lies to you, cheats on you, does NOT mean that all of your homegirls should be living the same life. YOUR relationship is not ALL relationships. And neither is mine! I am not saying by any means that you all should be doing what I am doing. All I am saying is that my man tells me the truth about everything. When he is out, I know where he is. When he tells me something, I know he is telling the truth and if I feel some type of way about it, I am able to express my feelings without getting cursed out or hit with the "why you asking so many questions". My man respects me. He respects our household. We do not have a biological child together but we are raising my daughter together and he respects that entire situation. I do not worry about him cheating because I am aware of the amazing qualities and characteristics I possess. I know I take complete care of my King and he takes care of me in every aspect of life. When I prayed to God and told him what I wanted in a man, he blessed me....in every...single...way. We are not perfect. We have had our ups and downs. Even took a break for a couple of weeks. But everything we go through, we go through TOGETHER! The close friends and family we have can at least say that we fight for each other. We fight for our love. We go through things and we get THROUGH them. We don't just ignore our issues or sweep them under the rug bc the other might get mad....we put everything on the table. No matter how hurtful it may be, it will always be the TRUTH. I can't say that about a lot of couples. I know a lot of women have such low self esteem they will let a man treat them any kind of way so they don't have to be alone. I know there are women who want to portray themselves as wealthy, saddity women who actually would be ass broke if their man's income was not present. They think that a "baller" is worth every bit of pain they are actually in. You also have women who don't do anything for love or don't believe in love. They just want a man that will take care of them financially. It's a business decision to them. These women are always the first to try and give relationship advice too. I welcome all advice but it does not mean I will listen to you, or that I won't laugh about it to my man. You can't be dating a man that cheats, repeatedly, hides things from you and doesn't take care of your children, and try to tell me anything about my situation and why yours is better. At the end of the day, the reflection you see in the mirror is yours, not mine. You can try to convince yourself all day long. But when your nails are done, your shoes are new and your car is detailed, your man is still out cheating on you, disrespecting you and hiding the truth from you.

It feels amazing to be able to tell my man absolutely anything. A lot of my homegirls tell me that men can't handle certain information. Men aren't supposed to know everything. Those same women confide in me about things they would NEVER be able to say to their man. I will always be there for them, but the second they start hassling me as to why I tell him as much as I do is where I put my foot down. We are very comfortable expressing our feelings to each other about any and everything. When I lay down at night, nothing is upsetting me. I am not mad at anything because we have agreed to never go to bed angry. Never go to bed with something on our minds bc backpacking can be hazardous in any situation. (Backpacking is when you throw your concerns in the back of your mind without addressing them, and they pile up and pile up until you reach your peak and blow up) I told my man about my crazy past because it shed a BRIGHT light on why I am the woman he loves today. If you feel like the person you are dating can't handle your past, why are you with them? After all if your past never happened, you wouldn't have met your mate in the first place. Your past was just a pit stop through your future together. Every couple has a comfortable amount of things they want to tell each other but we choose to disclose everything without judgement. We laugh at our crazy stories. He holds me while I cry about some of them. And we appreciate our pasts. 


Again, we are not perfect. But we have trust, communication, respect, honesty and plenty of sex lol. We WANT to go through everything together. We WANT to spend our lives learning about each other. We tell each other everything. Even when it may hurt. 


That is the way it is supposed to be...I prayed for my Corinthians love and I surely got him :) Below is the verse I prayed by when it came to my mate. Keep this in mind when you think you've found yours.

Corinthians 13:4-8  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Until next time, my loves :)

Adorn Jewelry and Diamond Diva Magazine

Miss Alicia Love of Adorn Jewelry was generous enough to let me wear some of her jewelry for a show I did last year. I know I know....I am waaaaay late on this. Better late than never but never late is better. I will work on this!

I performed for the launch of Renee' Smith's Diamond Diva Magazine. She was kind enough to feature me on the back cover of their first issue.


You can find Renee' and her magazine on Facebook. The link is provided below
Diamond Diva Magazine on Facebook

Now back to Miss Alicia :) She contacted me and asked if I needed any pieces to add to my outfit for the show. Seeing as how I LOVE jewelry I jumped right on it! She gave me three pieces.


This black stylish, sparkly necklace

This matching bracelet

And my absolute favorite...these AMAZING EARRINGS!!

here is one up-close. I am wearing them today :)

You can find tons of styles of earrings, rings, necklaces and MUCH more on her website.

The link is provided there ===>  http://www.adorn-jewelry.com/

I hope Miss Alicia can forgive me for waiting 6 months to do this write-up. I do appreciate you for your support and thanks again for letting me wear your hand-crafted art :)

If you have ever been to one of my shows, you already know how passionate I am on stage. I was singing my heart out as usual :)

Well, time for you to stop reading and go to Adorn-jewelry.com and purchase some beautiful hand-crafted jewelry :)

Until next time my loves...

"Someone Like Me" remix Inspired by Adele's "Someone Like You"

She's done it again! SoFree has taken an amazing piece of art and thrown her own twist onto it. The Remix Queen placed her own life story into the melody and piano strokes used by Adele in her hot single "Someone Like You". SoFree has taken the opportunity to connect with her fans from all over by placing their pictures in the video. The song sheds light on how it feels to be judged and how we as a people are the only ones with the power to change this problem....

Hope you enjoy this lyric video :)

Until next time my loves....

NEW TRACK!!! Ladii Pink RedRum Ft SoFree "Can't Get Enough" Remix

We decided to put on for our city! It's rare to see females coming together in this market, much less coming together on a track that isn't bashing men! We remixed J Cole and Trey Songz "Can't Get Enough". We had SO much fun doing this and will probably colab more! 

NC STAND UP!

"Can't Get Enough" Ladii Pink Red Rum Ft SoFree FREE DOWNLOAD

Funny Things Angry Drivers Do

My drive to work through North Raleigh is definitely an interesting one. Hell, driving in Raleigh is interesting in itself lol. But my favorite part is watching all of the ridiculous angry people on the road! Yes yes, those of you that know me are thinking,  "wait, I've heard you while you drive, and you have some serious road rage going on there." I know, and it's me cursing at all of the stupid angry people on the road lol. No seriously though I compiled a list of things we have probably all seen that crack us up, if we are in a good mood. See my approach to driving has changed a bit and it enables me to get from point A to point B without having a conniption. These days before I drive anywhere I say to myself, "self, you just knooooow SOMEBODY is going to do some stupid shit on the road today. Someone is going to cut you off, throw their crap in front of you etc. Just smile and keep it moving. You're blessed to even be able to drive, much less have a car to drive, much less have somewhere to go that you are needed." lol Those thoughts keep me sane! It's like the DMV gives anything that can respond to noise a license. I know this because when I take my signs test, I usually get about 5 wrong and they don't care enough to fill out the paperwork that requires me to return. So they just give me my new license and press the little button to announce that window 4A is now available for attitude and crappy customer service. ANYWAY! Here is some funny stuff we all see on the road from time to time.


Disclaimer: Don't try any of the evil things I like to do out of humor. You might crash and die then your family will be all upset at this blog and then my freedom of speech becomes a weapon of mental destruction. That would be because you're stupid though.

1. For some reason some people believe riding on your ass is going to make you feel a sudden urge of sympathy for the psycho in your rear-view mirror. They have to basically drive on their brake because they have to make sure they are close enough to mess with you yet far enough away to keep from smashing into you if you decide to slam on the breaks. Its even more fun when the person next to you is driving the exact same speed limit as you. You get to slowly watch the person behind you plan their own death because this car ride seems to be killing them slowly. Slow down to about 5 under the speed limit....this is also fun to watch :)
2. So after the idiot riding your ass finally gets some space in the lane next to you, they SPEED into it all crazy, speed past you and then get right in front of you and SLOW DOWN! Now YOU get to show them what it feels like to have a big object swerving behind them as close as you can get without crashing into them lol They always try to avoid looking directly at you through their mirror. They also try to act like it doesn't bother them because then that would make them a hypocrite. haha. This would then make you the angry driver so make sure you smile the entire time. That takes away the anger lol
3. The consistent swerver. You know, this is the guy with the old Civic or Passat with the loud ass exhaust pipe. They drive down streets like New Hope road during rush hour traffic and swerve in and out of every single space they can get through. Don't let them come to a red light though....oh boy just watch as they abuse their steering wheel and throw their hands in the air. It's sooooo funny. And the way they swerve? Omg its all dramatic and its almost like they are 3 years old again having a "HUMPH" moment. Haha!
4. How about the guy behind you in the fast lane on the highway!! Well you see, I only go 10 over (max) when I am on the high way if I am in the fast lane. If I see your car hauling ass behind me, usually I will just get over because you obviously weren't responsible enough to leave on time. So let me move before you kill both of us. But sometimes due to traffic I just can't get over!! So I like to watch you behind me with your big Excursion, putting your bumper all in my rear-view mirror. I can tell your mood by the way you drive your car. Stopping  suddenly because you know you're too close. I watch you swerve into the lane next to me to try and speed past me but a soccer mom swerves right in front of you ruining your plan. So you swerve right back behind me all upset, almost hitting the guard rail. Dude, this is funny as hell to me. You even try to swerve all the way to the slow right lane and end up right behind me again. HAHAHA!
5. And how about the "hey there" guy. This is the dude that I see speeding and swerving and doing every single thing he can to get ahead of everybody. Yet somehow we always manage to meet at every single light. I like to look over at these dudes and say "hey there!" and add a little wave. But 9 times out of 10 they refuse to look at me because they feel stupid that they spent all of that road time trying to pass me, and here they are....right beside me lol Did you know going 5 miles over the speed limit only gets you where you need to go like 4 minutes faster? Funny right? "hey there" :)
6. The angry old man. THIS DUDE IS AWESOME! This man here is just upset at everything you can possibly think of in the world. He throws a tantrum at every single light. He honks his horn AS SOON AS THE LIGHT turns green if anyone is in front of him. He inches up to the light over and over impatiently waiting for his own light to turn green. Go, stop. go stop. go stop. That's what he's doing until his light turns green. Cursing and what have you. Yelling at everything. You'd think old people would be the nicest because they are almost "there" but nah...some of them just don't care about happiness. And this makes me happy to watch.
7. The redneck in the big ass Tonka truck. This dude just hates everything that isn't beer or deer. (That was a stereotype) He rides your ass like he has all of the power in the universe. And he will seriously ride your ASS the ENTIRE time until you reach your destination. This asshole likes to just sit there to mess with you. You can tell because there are no other cars on the road. For some reason he picked you, to just sit behind and ride your ass with those BIG ASS BRIGHT ASS lights, all in your retinas. Slow down to 5 under the speed limit again lol
8. How about the person who switches lanes to pass you and ends up allllllll the way behind you. Now these drivers don't necessarily have to be angry. The humor comes in when they spend their energy switching lanes because they think they dude in the Corvette next to you is going to drive fast, just because he has a Corvette. Well they didn't notice it's an old white dude so he's about to go the exact speed limit. And you know they are DYING to get back behind you, but they have too much pride so you watch them sit behind the slow old white man, pretending they don't need to switch lanes. Bwahahahaha.
9. How about the girl who's cursing out her boyfriend on the phone as she drives. I like to pretend I know what she's talking about and entertain myself. "OH NO YOU DID-INT THO. I HAD TOLLLLLD YOU NOT TO BE MESSIN WIT DEM HOOCHIES BUT------HUH? EXCUSE ME? NUH-UH WHO THE FONK YOU TALKIN TO LIKE DAT???" All of this is happening while she is slamming on breaks, almost missing the lights, NOT seeing what's in her blind spot before she swerves into the next lane. These idiots are funny, yet very dangerous. Pull over and deal with your baby daddy drama you selfish bird.
10. The angry couple. They are the reason you are at a dead stop at a green light. They can't see the light has granted them permission to GO because they are facing each other, screaming at the top of their lungs about something that's probably irrelevant. They ignore the honks and angry comments from the old white guy behind them. You can see spit flying from face to face in anger. Yea this is funny to me!!!

Well, 10 is enough. Leave me a comment with some funny angry driver moments :)

Until next time my loves.....

Amazed By Life

Lately I find myself smiling for no reason. Waving at everyone that walks by. Thanking God for more and more beautiful blessings. All those years I spent praying for love, I never truly knew how beautiful and amazing it would feel once I really had it. I never knew that I could love someone just as much as I love my daughter, even though it is such a different kind of love. No matter how hard I subconsciously try to push this love away with my insecurities and fears, it clings to my heart like velcrow. It's my support system, my encouragement. It helps me see a new demention of God's love. It makes me love myself more. It makes me want to love everybody more....
I never knew I could have my best friend as a lover. In all my years and in all of my relationships, my lover was not my best friend. My lover was not someone that accepted me 100%. My lover was not someone I could be honest with or even wanted to be honest with. I created a new version of myself to fit the description of their perfect mate. I compromised who I was to satisfy their souls and not my own. I got so used to this sense of "settling" that I ruled out all possibilities of ever meeting my soul mate. I was almost content with knowing the person I would marry would "almost" be the one. But the Lord enabled me to see myself the way he sees me. He gave me a glimpse of the Empress he created in me and it inspired me to settle for NOTHING, ever again. He trusts me with this beautiful love he has given me and I thank him for it every single day. He blessed me with someone who loves every single ounce of me. Someone that knows how to handle my mood swings. Someone who is just as remedial as I am. Someone I can talk to about ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING! Someone I can share this music dream with. Someone who brings out an amazing version of myself that I never knew existed. He's helped me become a better mother, singer, friend, lover and woman. Ever since I saw that twinkle in his eye, I knew the two of us would build something beautiful. I just never comprehended that it would be what we have now. Honestly thought he'd be a jump off lol :) Just kidding babe ;)
Anyway.....it makes all of the frogs before him worth the pain and tears I shed. For if not for them I'd never be able to appreciate the man that he is. I wouldn't appreciate his 100% trust in me, his faith in me, his loyalty to me....I would not even understand it and I would take it for granted.
Sometimes I still take it for granted...but I'm working on that. God has blessed me with my better half. He's given me someone who accepts every ugly side of me. Someone who encourages the beautiful sides of me :) Not only that but this man has volunteered to be a father figure to my child................it makes me speechless...............I never got into this relationship with the "I have to find my child a father" mentality. I never pushed her onto him or him onto her. I have just been sitting here watching them create their own beautiful bond. The love in his eyes when he sees her and the warmth in her heart when she sees him makes me love God even more. Watching a man turn into a father to a child he did not even create makes me believe there IS more beauty in the world than there is destruction. We just don't know where to look....

Blessings can pass by you if you don't open your hearts. Our heart is our path to the Lord and once you find the Lord, he blesses you with the ability to love yourself as well as others......and the ability to allow someone to love you back.

I could not ask for a better man in my life.....or a better best friend. Lord I thank you for trusting me with this situation.

                                        I love you Mr. Higgins :) 

Until next time my loves.... ;)

Struggling With Abuse

It's natural to start bad-mouthing someone when you hear they inflicted physical pain onto someone else. It's in our nature to deem them "monsters" or "bad people". But how often do you stop and think to yourself, "what if that's all they know?". From my own life experience I have learned most people who abuse others were abused themselves and if it starts at a young age, this BECOMES them. We can go back and forth about what is deemed "abuse" if you want but I'd rather not because that would require an entirely new entry :)

I was physically and verbally abused by members of my family when I was growing up. I understand spanking a child to discipline them, but being punched in the head, having a video thrown at your face, or choking a child is no where near acceptable to me. These are things I went through. These events weren't EVERYDAY occurrences but they affected me just as much. I knew that when they were upset with me, pain was coming and I'd better run or find my happy place in my mind. I then started to treat others around me the exact same way. Not only that but I had more anger inside of me than any child should have at that age. It become natural to get upset with my little brother and beat the crap out of him. It became natural to inflict pain on childhood mates whenever they upset me or called me names. The rage inside of me only grew over the years. 

I went to court for fighting, I was suspended many times for fighting, I went to anger management, counseling, enrolled myself into an abuse class....I tried it all and still to this day my anger is hard to control sometimes.I was abused, and abusive in some of my relationships as well. It was basically a dominoe affect. My way of thinking was "if you don't respect me, I will beat the respect into you", not realizing that I didn't even respect the people who abused me. I feared them. Many people confuse the two. There is a huge difference...

Even now sometimes when someone upsets me to a certain degree I have thoughts of just punching them in the face. We all have these moments.....some more than others. 

I was in a relationship with a woman from 2004 until about 2006. She too was abused as a child. We already knew this about each other and it seemed to bring us closer because we had something in common.....

Yeaaaaaaaaa it wasn't so great though lol. We started beating the hell out of each other. She'd get upset with me and beat me with a bat, I'd get upset with her and slam her head against a wall. She'd break bottles and chase me out of the house, I'd mush her head at the drop of a dime. This was NORMAL to us!! Anyone can walk up to you and say "hey abuse is wrong" but if this is the way you have lived your life for YEARS, it's PRETTY HARD TO SHAKE! We would tell our parents the most outrageous lies as to why we had some many cuts and bruises on ourselves....Her father even physically threatened me. He's a military man (spent MANY years in the service) and we all know they are crazy lol.

The woman I dated after her got some of my wrath as well. I remember the first time she really pissed me off and I pushed her as hard as I could in her chest. Another time she would NOT get out of my damn face.....I tried to mush her and ended up putting a huge gash on her cheek. After 2 years of being verbally abused by her one day I finally snapped. I punched her in the side of her head....and it felt good. That's when I finally said to myself YOU NEED SOME SERIOUS HELP!! I'd get upset and punch my laptop, throw my cell phone, punch the wall, slam the door so hard it would come INSIDE the room....I knew I was out of hand...
I voluntarily enrolled myself into an abuse class. The people that worked there said it was the first time they had EVER seen someone volunteer for a court-ordered abuse class. I felt good and bad at the same damn time lol smh. The class was 45 minutes away from the house we bought together, I paid 25 dollars per class, every single Saturday morning at 8am. For weeks and weeks. Yea! I did this because this is a demon that is NOT fun being possessed with. Being abusive is a SICKNESS. Although there are people who ENJOY hurting others, I do not. It's like when I get really hurt or upset, when I feel like I am not being listened to...this rage forms within me and the only way to relieve it is to punch/slap/kick something or someone. I HATE IT!!!! I do NOT LIKE feeling this way and honestly a lot of people who abuse don't like this either....It's just sad because they have let society turn them into an outcast and don't even know it's not entirely their fault.

It's an everyday struggle. Even when I'm driving I curse people the FONK out on the road. I mean the things that come out of my mouth would insult a sailor. I get so angry SO quickly....

I thought it was something I could do alone. But it isn't. God has helped me get through SO MUCH!!!!!! Prayer is AMAZING! DO NOT underestimate the power of the Lord. He can and will see you through EVERYTHING!! (Joshua 1:5)

I have to give more credit where it is due. My amazing boyfriend. This man right here....this man has seen my wrath. And instead of leaving me like any sensible person would, he has dedicated himself to me and to helping me kick this terrible way of life. He knows my triggers already and knows the signs leading up to my outbursts. He then walks up to me and just hugs me, holds me in his arms and kisses my forehead. He tells me he loves me and to calm down. No arms in the world have ever soothed my soul the way his do. When I am flying off the handle about something beyond my control, he reminds me that everything I experience is in God's plan and that even though I may not like it, I have to accept it. He holds me when I need to just cry hysterically. He drops whatever he's doing to listen to me vent about any and everything. He is my support system. He's my best friend and my angel. He keeps me from posting outrageous tweets about people I dislike. He sets me straight when I DO tweet mean things about people I dislike lmao. He is just amazing in every single way. I could not ask for a better mate and best friend. He has helped me change so much in the past year. He is helping me become the woman I have always wanted to be.

I love you babe <3

So basically, I wrote this article to open your eyes to this disease. This is not to say you need to go hug every abuser you know. There are some people who have caused too much damage to be accepted into society again. They killed or permanently damaged someone...the only forgiveness they should count on is God's. But then there are people like me who recognize the problem, want to get rid of it and continue to carry out the necessary steps to eventually get rid of it. My song "Hands On Me" (song about domestic violence) is about things that happened to me, people close to me, and things I also did. This is also the first time I have publicly announced that I am faced with this demon. Well the second...I said it to the audience at my show last night before I performed the song....

Ladies....you should not be beating your man, slapping him, punching him kicking him. Just because you are a female does not mean you are allowed to beat him. Fellas if you are being abused, FORGET the fact that society does not take abuse by women towards men as seriously as they should. Forget the fact that immature people may make fun of you. YOU ARE BEING ABUSED! Don't forget verbal abuse is on the same level as physical abuse. And often times verbal abuse from one party results in physical abuse from the other. 


You are beautiful. You are God's child. You need to see yourself the way he sees you. He says your body is a temple. (Corinthians 6:19) So you need to treat it as such. Do not hurt yourself or allow anyone else to hurt you....


I hope this blog entry helps someone...

Ironically this is the first song I recorded with my love....if you haven't yet, please be sure to listen and download for FREE.
"Hands On Me" By SoFree Wisdom FREE Download 


Until next time my loves...

NEW SONG!!!

Hello my loves :) I decided to make a SoFreeMix of Wale Ft Rick Ross & Jeremih "That Way".


I took the melody of Jeremih's awesome hook and created a completely new concept. This is also my first love song :)


Enjoy! You can download for free as well from Reverbnation.com/SoFree BECOME A FAN!

Until next time my loves...

FRIDAY AUGUST 19TH AT UPSCALE LOUNGE CHARLOTTE, NC

Hey my loves! This Friday August 19th I will be performing at UpScale Lounge in Charlotte, NC ! Also hitting the stage is my girl Miss Amanda Pollard and many more talented artists!

HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL THERE!

3108 east Independence Blvd

Charlotte, NC 28205